if toys could talk

How many people still play with toys? When was the last time you grabbed that G.I. Joe or Barbie out of that cardboard box in the storage closet and just started playing with them? I haven't done it in forever. Why? Because toys aren't necessary in order for me to make believe anymore. I don't need them. I can write a story, daydream, or have a wacky conversation instead. Why bother with toys. I have no reason to yank out my G.I. Joe (actually mommy never let me have a G.I. Joe.....VIOLENCE IS BAD.....I had Darkwing Duck action figures ha).

But what would happen if toys came to life and could talk?

I don't think any of the toys would act like they're from Toy Story. Some of them might be nice to your face, but I really doubt that because they'd know they're being fake and living a fake life. They'd be like the toys in the movie Small Soldiers. They would act the way they look; the way we assume they would act. Like a G.I Joe would probably always be talking about shooting mother f****** in the head. Imagine an 8 year old playing with that? Kind of funny, but definitely not cool ha. The kid probably wouldn't turn out very good. Personally, If I had an 8 year old kid, I'd rather have him playing with his sisters Barbie then have a G.I. Joe trying to brainwash him into thinking our neighbours are traitors to the flag and that he should make a homemade bomb and "F*** them up."

Barbie probably wouldn't be good for my kid either because assuming Barbies personality matches the way she's advertised (25 year old californian girl who has visited the plastic surgeon on multiple occasions), she'd be a sweetie pie when parents are around and a total skank when they’re not. You’d have to buy a Ken doll to keep her from seducing your 8 year old son. The 8 year old girls who play with Barbie would probably end up being “best friends” with her and become anorexic trying to be just like her and extremely skanky.... and the 8 year old guys who manage to get rid of Ken would learn how to charm girls just a little too well for there tasting. Barbie is a bad choice.. I don’t care what people say. Barbie would not have a PG rating.

We seriously need to find some good natured toys. I mean, what would the players in a table hockey thing say? Nothing can go wrong with them right? I mean, the players on both teams would be super encouraging at the beginning of the game, psych up even more when they start losing by a bit, and get super pissed at you when you start losing and start screaming at each other. You’d be too busy laughing too care that your losing. It’s brilliant. Teach your kids there’s more to life then winning! Pissing people off is just as fun! Ha….maybe table hockey would be sort of bad too.

The one toy you can always count on for being good natured came right out of the ground, that’s right folks…..THE CABBAGE PATCH KIDS. I don’t know how much fun they’d be …whining all the time and wetting their cabbage, but not a bad word would come out of their mouth…and if one ever does….its cause you taught them it. So if toys ever come to life and start talking, Burn the Barbies and G.I Joe’s at the stake, and buy a cabbage patch kid. I shotgun the African American Fire Man. I’m not being racist, check the link...and pick your own cabbage head.

http://www.epinions.com/pr-Toys-Toys_R_Us_Cabbage_Patch_Kids_Fire_Man_African_American

Let’s just all be glad toys don’t talk.