Merry Christmas
since i've been postless for the last while without any sort of idea i'm using christmas as a lovely reason to post something. so yeah.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
12/25/2006
12/22/2006
A Special Holiday Gift
Ok. The following video makes it to the blog with caution in mind... Its a song about male genitalia. With that said, if your name is Clint, Jordan, or Tom Green this is for you.
12/21/2006
The Donald Vs. Rosie O'Donnel
Love him or hate him, "The Donald" and the dead animal on his head known as "hair", take a huge chunk out of Rosie O'Donnel here. Take a moment to bask in the glory of insults (such as):
"Rosie O'Donnel is disgusting."
Or
"I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and tell her, "You're fired"
Or
"I'll probably sue Rosie because it would be fun. I'd like to take some money out of her fat ass pockets."
Enjoy the bloodbath!
Come Alive...
But I found love in the loneliest places,
Places I shouldn't have found.I found love,
in the home of a sinner.
Wrapped in some bitter sweet song.
Oh, let me tell the truth!
And let me come alive!
Let me build bridges into your life.
I'm sick of being torn,
again and again.
I don't need conditions,
to let you in.
You'll Never Believe This...
Hooray! School is out for another semester! With my newfound spare time I've been checking things out that I normally don't have time for. Something that I came across, that blew me away, was Outsider Music. There exists an entire genre of music, with loyal followers, dedicated to tone deaf people who can't properly play instruments. I was actually blown away by how horrible it was and could barely listen to a single full song.
If you think that I'm exaggerating, simply click the link below to download 1 track. I DARE YOU! I'm almost willing to guarantee that you can't listen to the whole song... It's just that bad.
Download: The Shaggs: Philospophy of the World
12/18/2006
Muzak for the Masses: Pt. 299
One of the best indie hip hop cd's you will ever hear. Period.
The Artist: Mars Ill
The Album: Pirate Radio
12/14/2006
The Heart of Reason
If there is ever a person,Which you have loved,
This is how you know,
That you can love God;
Because they are His creation.
If there are people who exist,
Because they are His creation.
If there are people who exist,
Whom you do not love,
This is how you know,
This is how you know,
That you are not God.
12/13/2006
Kids Say the Darndest Things
Read these "Letters to God" from little kids.
My personal favourite is:
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
To view the complete list click HERE.
Credit: "the writing writer"
Girls and Action Figures
This is why girls are not allowed to play with action figures.
hugs and kisses.
The Plight of the Mutilated Criminal
Mutilation is an act or physical injury that degrades the appearance or function of the body. With that said, are we too hard on those who have suffered horrible injuries and then chosen a life of crime?
I'd argue that someone such as Two-Face had no choice but to choose a life of crime. Can you imagine him applying for a job at a restaurant as a waiter? "Hello, my name is Two-Face, may I take your order?" He's so disgustingly ugly that customers would just start vomitting on themselves.
Perhaps he could apply as a grocery bag boy. No, not really. Would you want his rotting festering hand touching your french baguette? I don't think so.
Also, what about people who have lost a hand completely? These people really have no choice but to affix a hook to their stub and become a pirate. What are they supposed to do? Would you hire someone with a hook for a hand as your Wal-Mart greeter? Of course not. Let's cut these people some slack.
In our age of tolerance and respect for all, we cannot forget the plight of the mutilated criminal. It was not their choice to lose half of their face or a hand. And likewise, they had no choice but to choose a life of crime.
12/12/2006
Origen The Present
So...
BANGKOK (Reuters) - A Thai Buddhist monk cut off his penis with a machete because he had an erection during meditation and declined to have it reattached, saying he had renounced all earthly cares, a doctor and a newspaper said on Wednesday.
The 35-year-old monk, whose name was withheld for privacy reasons, allowed medical staff at Maharaj hospital, 780 km (480 miles) south of Bangkok to dress his wound, but refused reattachment, hospital chief Prawing Euanontouch said.
"We cleaned up the wound, gave him some stitches, but he declined to have it reattached because he said had abandoned everything," Prawing told Reuters by telephone.
Prawing declined to comment on the monk's erection, which Bangkok-based Kom Chad Luk tabloid reported on its Web site.
Here's the official link - no more penis.
The end.
hugs and kisses,
dsw
12/11/2006
Church History 101
K. So there's this guy named Origen (185-254), and he thinks he's on the cutting edge of biblical interpretation or something...
So he reads Matthew 19:12. In this passage, Jesus stated, "...and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."
K. So he reads this literally and then chops his junk off. The end.
Things You Learn from the Movies:
Like a good parent, movies teach us a lot of things about life too... Here are a few of those valuable life lessons that the big screen has been so gracious to pass on to us.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
- An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds. Unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
- Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
- Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
- Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
- During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
- Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one laying around the next time you need one.
- Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
- If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -- even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade at any time of the year.If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath. Even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
12/10/2006
Movie Review : Happy Feet
Okay, straightup, IT IS A GOOD MOVIE BUT IT HAS THE WORST ENDING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. The End.
Now your probably asking, how can it be a good movie if it has such a terrible ending? Well, the movie is just so fantabulous that I can't criticize anything but the ending (and a little bit of the plot). The characters are all up to snuff with Robin Williams running the show, the music is great (it as to be the movie is all about singing, dancing, and missing fish), but the plot could use some work. The plot seems really good at the beginning of the movie. Actually, it seemed absolutely perfect, BUT as the movie unfolds you realize the plot is destined to lead to a crappy ending and the plot isn't really good to begin with.
If your having second thoughts, do not. Because, if you liked Finding Nemo you will like this movie. It's the same idea.
A random cartoon that doesn't belong goes off looking for something they need with a comic relief cartoon alongside them. They meet other cartoons who are much different then they are, but make the movie interesting. Within there small group of searchers there is also a problem. They end up solving the minor problem and finding what they want. The End.
Now let me apply what i just said to Finding Nemo and Happy Feet.
Marlin, a clown fish, looses his son Nemo and goes off to find him with the help of another fish named Dory. They meet other fishes and sea animals such as sharks, turtles, and jellyfish. The problem within there group is Dory is a moron and can't remember shizit. Dory ends up remembering stuff and they find Nemo. The End.
Mumble (aka Happy Feet), a penguin, goes off and searches for fish // the reason the fish are disappearing with the help of Ramon and other mini penguins. They meet other penguins, whales, and giant elephant fish. The problem within there group is Mumble can only dance and can't sing and apparently every other penguin can sing, not to mention they hate dancing. Mumble doesn't learn to sing, but solves his problem by convincing every other penguin to love dancing instead, and they solve the fish issue. The End.
As you can see both movies are fairly similiar. They could have thrown Nemo into the Happy Feet movie for kicks. Mumble could have eaten him or something. Anyways, Happy Feet is pretty much a Finding Nemo movie with an ending that will make you wonder why they made the movie in the first place. The End.
What is Love?
Remember the SNL skit "what is love" with Will Ferrel, Jim Carrey, and Chris Kattan? So classic.
Check out some wicked awesome remixes of this piece of our youth: http://content.jengajam.com/whatislove.swf
Benny and the Jets
O.K... So my usual official line when anyone approaches me and asks me about Benny Hinn is this, "Pray for his ministry but please don't send him a penny!"
With that said I have a new official statement: "He's going to hell."
That's it! I've had enough. He's going to hell.
Sure, there's the old evidence like the documentaries done by numerous news agencies. (For a sample click here: Part 1 and Part 2).
Or perhaps you'd enjoy some classic material better: like a good 'ol Benny Hinn rampage:
After watching that, I bet you're pretty convinced the this guy is faking jacks in the name of the J man. But what makes me think he's definitely on his way to the hot place is this:
Benny Hinn is currently soliciting donations from his followers for a private jet. Yes. A private friggin' jet.
Hard to believe, but read about it here.
Are you serious? God would you please just go ahead and damn this man already! I wish Jesus would come back just so he could lay the smackdown on this douchebag. Honestly, someone who is all about the Trump combover and blinging his bloated life out with people's hard earned money is not someone I would put much faith in.
Here's a little excerpt from the site:
"Purchasing this incredible ministry tool is monumental and historic. We have never bought any plane with this much range or capability that will crisscross the globe repeatedly so I can present the Gospel in person to unprecedented millions of precious souls who will accept and come to know our wonderful Jesus as their eternal Savior.Now is the time to move forward with Dove One. What we do for the sake of the Gospel, we must do now!I ask you to prayerfully read the brochure I have enclosed. I am praying that the Lord will speak to you to be one of 6,000 partners who will give $1,000 now or in the next ninety days to cover the remainder of the $6 million down payment for this powerful ministry tool for evangelism."
Good Lord this is so wrong. Let's just hope that his followers have a limit to their insanity.
Benny, I have just one thing to say: "Don't let Jesus catch you ridin' dirty".
12/09/2006
Muzak for the Masses: 259
My fav hip hop crew of all time is L.A. Symphony. So for fun I'm putting up their discography to get the word out. Enjoy.
CIWYW: Officially Unreleased. CD-R Re-release 2005
Composition #1: 1999
Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/6g9wrf
Baloney: 2002
The End is Now: 2003
Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/rlla5i
Less than Zero EP: 2005
Disappear Here: 2005
Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/oztn23
12/07/2006
Hey! Were 50!
There are times when we all must reflect upon the important things of life. With this 50th post to the blog, we thought that we should reminisce upon the greatest thing in life... dance. Enjoy with us; the evolution of dance.
What's In A Name?
Alot goes into a churches name. Like a person, it can say alot about who they are.
Unfortunately this church, hasn't figured this out yet.
12/06/2006
The Real Hip Hop
Jesus hates hip hop thats all about bitches, guns, and money. He does however enjoy true hip hop. Lyrics, beats, and of course.... the robot. For two awesome examples download these 2 fine albums:
Truth of the Day...
Just to take a break from all of the seemingly meaningless crap that we vomit onto this page... Consider this...
12/04/2006
Urgent Question
Are robots animistic, polytheistic, or monotehistic? Or are robots gods within themselves?
So i drew a Christmassy kind of picture
Fletcher's picture made me want to draw. I can't really say it inspired me too much. The face he drew seemed oddly familiar though..... Anyways I started drawing a skewed house with a chimney ghost, drew another one, zig zagged something that appeared to be a tree, gave it a few other Christmas things and attempted to change my chimney ghost into an angel because throwing a ghost into a Christmas picture is a sin. THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT AND MY GHOST DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HIM ANYWAYS. Either or, the angel definitely ruins the picture. the angel curves make it look junky. i gotta find me a program without life size pixels.
I'd say Merry Christmas but i think I'll wait till the last moment possible.
12/03/2006
Official Movie Review: The Break-Up
The Break up is a romantic comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Whatshername, that eventually turns out to be a tragic sack of crushed rectums. What was initially inteded to be a believable script of an "ish happens" real life relationship, ends up a tired script mimicking an even crappier episode of Degrassi High. This movie was so bad that I have been thinking of ways to remove it from human existence for the betterment of society... In the words of Krusty the Klown, "I could've pulled a better movie out of my... Hey hey hey hey Kids!" Please, if you have not yet seen this movie, save yourself from the crapfest and donate it to the awesome old Salvation Army lady at the mall ringing the bell. If you have been the victim of a screening of this film... there will be a support group meeting at my place each Tuesday night at 7:30, just after Thumbsuckers Anonymous.
If I had to summarize this movie's effect on its viewers I would suggest that it is very likely that it would make you fart blood.
Hi Josh
Wow... we haven't done aything in a long long time. All I have to say about that is... "Ive been really busy farting blood so piss off".
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