Merry Christmas

since i've been postless for the last while without any sort of idea i'm using christmas as a lovely reason to post something. so yeah.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

A Special Holiday Gift

Ok. The following video makes it to the blog with caution in mind... Its a song about male genitalia. With that said, if your name is Clint, Jordan, or Tom Green this is for you.

The Donald Vs. Rosie O'Donnel

Love him or hate him, "The Donald" and the dead animal on his head known as "hair", take a huge chunk out of Rosie O'Donnel here. Take a moment to bask in the glory of insults (such as):


"Rosie O'Donnel is disgusting."

Or

"I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and tell her, "You're fired"

Or

"I'll probably sue Rosie because it would be fun. I'd like to take some money out of her fat ass pockets."


Enjoy the bloodbath!

Come Alive...

But I found love in the loneliest places,

Places I shouldn't have found.
I found love,
in the home of a sinner.
Wrapped in some bitter sweet song.
Oh, let me tell the truth!
And let me come alive!
Let me build bridges into your life.
I'm sick of being torn,
again and again.
I don't need conditions,
to let you in.

You'll Never Believe This...

Hooray! School is out for another semester! With my newfound spare time I've been checking things out that I normally don't have time for. Something that I came across, that blew me away, was Outsider Music. There exists an entire genre of music, with loyal followers, dedicated to tone deaf people who can't properly play instruments. I was actually blown away by how horrible it was and could barely listen to a single full song.

If you think that I'm exaggerating, simply click the link below to download 1 track. I DARE YOU! I'm almost willing to guarantee that you can't listen to the whole song... It's just that bad.

Download: The Shaggs: Philospophy of the World

Muzak for the Masses: Pt. 299

One of the best indie hip hop cd's you will ever hear. Period.

The Artist: Mars Ill

The Album: Pirate Radio

DOWNLOAD HERE.

The Heart of Reason

If there is ever a person,

Which you have loved,

This is how you know,

That you can love God;
Because they are His creation.

If there are people who exist,

Whom you do not love,
This is how you know,

That you are not God.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Read these "Letters to God" from little kids.

My personal favourite is:

Dear God,

If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.

To view the complete list click HERE.

Credit: "the writing writer"

Thou Shall Not Miss This Movie

"Forgive him Father, he is a robot from the future!"

Girls and Action Figures

 
This is why girls are not allowed to play with action figures.

hugs and kisses.

Picture of the Day

This is a discovery that has brought much thought to my day... enjoy!

The Plight of the Mutilated Criminal

Mutilation is an act or physical injury that degrades the appearance or function of the body. With that said, are we too hard on those who have suffered horrible injuries and then chosen a life of crime?

I'd argue that someone such as Two-Face had no choice but to choose a life of crime. Can you imagine him applying for a job at a restaurant as a waiter? "Hello, my name is Two-Face, may I take your order?" He's so disgustingly ugly that customers would just start vomitting on themselves.

Perhaps he could apply as a grocery bag boy. No, not really. Would you want his rotting festering hand touching your french baguette? I don't think so.

Also, what about people who have lost a hand completely? These people really have no choice but to affix a hook to their stub and become a pirate. What are they supposed to do? Would you hire someone with a hook for a hand as your Wal-Mart greeter? Of course not. Let's cut these people some slack.

In our age of tolerance and respect for all, we cannot forget the plight of the mutilated criminal. It was not their choice to lose half of their face or a hand. And likewise, they had no choice but to choose a life of crime.

Pay No Attention to This Post

DO NOT CLICK HERE.

10 Things I Hate About Commandments

Credit: Adam "The Perv" Powell

Origen The Present

So...

BANGKOK (Reuters) - A Thai Buddhist monk cut off his penis with a machete because he had an erection during meditation and declined to have it reattached, saying he had renounced all earthly cares, a doctor and a newspaper said on Wednesday.
The 35-year-old monk, whose name was withheld for privacy reasons, allowed medical staff at Maharaj hospital, 780 km (480 miles) south of Bangkok to dress his wound, but refused reattachment, hospital chief Prawing Euanontouch said.

"We cleaned up the wound, gave him some stitches, but he declined to have it reattached because he said had abandoned everything," Prawing told Reuters by telephone.

Prawing declined to comment on the monk's erection, which Bangkok-based Kom Chad Luk tabloid reported on its Web site.

Here's the official link - no more penis.

The end.

hugs and kisses,
dsw

Church History 101

K. So there's this guy named Origen (185-254), and he thinks he's on the cutting edge of biblical interpretation or something...

So he reads Matthew 19:12. In this passage, Jesus stated, "...and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

K. So he reads this literally and then chops his junk off. The end.

Things You Learn from the Movies:

Like a good parent, movies teach us a lot of things about life too... Here are a few of those valuable life lessons that the big screen has been so gracious to pass on to us.

• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
• An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
• Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds. Unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
• Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
• Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
• Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one laying around the next time you need one.
• Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
• If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -- even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
• If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
• If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade at any time of the year.If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath. Even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

Movie Review : Happy Feet

Okay, straightup, IT IS A GOOD MOVIE BUT IT HAS THE WORST ENDING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. The End.

Now your probably asking, how can it be a good movie if it has such a terrible ending? Well, the movie is just so fantabulous that I can't criticize anything but the ending (and a little bit of the plot). The characters are all up to snuff with Robin Williams running the show, the music is great (it as to be the movie is all about singing, dancing, and missing fish), but the plot could use some work. The plot seems really good at the beginning of the movie. Actually, it seemed absolutely perfect, BUT as the movie unfolds you realize the plot is destined to lead to a crappy ending and the plot isn't really good to begin with.

If your having second thoughts, do not. Because, if you liked Finding Nemo you will like this movie. It's the same idea.

A random cartoon that doesn't belong goes off looking for something they need with a comic relief cartoon alongside them. They meet other cartoons who are much different then they are, but make the movie interesting. Within there small group of searchers there is also a problem. They end up solving the minor problem and finding what they want. The End.

Now let me apply what i just said to Finding Nemo and Happy Feet.

Marlin, a clown fish, looses his son Nemo and goes off to find him with the help of another fish named Dory. They meet other fishes and sea animals such as sharks, turtles, and jellyfish. The problem within there group is Dory is a moron and can't remember shizit. Dory ends up remembering stuff and they find Nemo. The End.

Mumble (aka Happy Feet), a penguin, goes off and searches for fish // the reason the fish are disappearing with the help of Ramon and other mini penguins. They meet other penguins, whales, and giant elephant fish. The problem within there group is Mumble can only dance and can't sing and apparently every other penguin can sing, not to mention they hate dancing. Mumble doesn't learn to sing, but solves his problem by convincing every other penguin to love dancing instead, and they solve the fish issue. The End.

As you can see both movies are fairly similiar. They could have thrown Nemo into the Happy Feet movie for kicks. Mumble could have eaten him or something. Anyways, Happy Feet is pretty much a Finding Nemo movie with an ending that will make you wonder why they made the movie in the first place. The End.

What is Love?

Remember the SNL skit "what is love" with Will Ferrel, Jim Carrey, and Chris Kattan? So classic.

Check out some wicked awesome remixes of this piece of our youth: http://content.jengajam.com/whatislove.swf

Benny and the Jets

O.K... So my usual official line when anyone approaches me and asks me about Benny Hinn is this, "Pray for his ministry but please don't send him a penny!"

With that said I have a new official statement: "He's going to hell."

That's it! I've had enough. He's going to hell.

Sure, there's the old evidence like the documentaries done by numerous news agencies. (For a sample click here: Part 1 and Part 2).

Or perhaps you'd enjoy some classic material better: like a good 'ol Benny Hinn rampage:





After watching that, I bet you're pretty convinced the this guy is faking jacks in the name of the J man. But what makes me think he's definitely on his way to the hot place is this:

Benny Hinn is currently soliciting donations from his followers for a private jet. Yes. A private friggin' jet.

Hard to believe, but read about it here.

Are you serious? God would you please just go ahead and damn this man already! I wish Jesus would come back just so he could lay the smackdown on this douchebag. Honestly, someone who is all about the Trump combover and blinging his bloated life out with people's hard earned money is not someone I would put much faith in.

Here's a little excerpt from the site:

"Purchasing this incredible ministry tool is monumental and historic. We have never bought any plane with this much range or capability that will crisscross the globe repeatedly so I can present the Gospel in person to unprecedented millions of precious souls who will accept and come to know our wonderful Jesus as their eternal Savior.Now is the time to move forward with Dove One. What we do for the sake of the Gospel, we must do now!I ask you to prayerfully read the brochure I have enclosed. I am praying that the Lord will speak to you to be one of 6,000 partners who will give $1,000 now or in the next ninety days to cover the remainder of the $6 million down payment for this powerful ministry tool for evangelism."

Good Lord this is so wrong. Let's just hope that his followers have a limit to their insanity.

Benny, I have just one thing to say: "Don't let Jesus catch you ridin' dirty".

Moskow

Be warned... viewers discretion is advised (language). But if you're a big boy or big girl you can watch.

Muzak for the Masses: 259

My fav hip hop crew of all time is L.A. Symphony.

So for fun I'm putting up their discography to get the word out. Enjoy.

CIWYW: Officially Unreleased. CD-R Re-release 2005

Download: http://www.zshare.net/download/ciwyw-rar.html

Composition #1: 1999

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/6g9wrf

Baloney: 2002

Download: http://www.zshare.net/download/baloney-rar.html

The End is Now: 2003

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/rlla5i

Less than Zero EP: 2005

Download: http://www.zshare.net/download/less-than-zero-rar.html

Disappear Here: 2005

Download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/oztn23

Remember kids, don't eat yellow snow

Food Sex

Well... Jonas has posted a lot of 'what the hell was that posts' so I figured it was my turn. Here it is blog fans.

hugs and kisses

Welcome to Christmas, A.K.A. "Cold Season"

Hey! Were 50!

There are times when we all must reflect upon the important things of life. With this 50th post to the blog, we thought that we should reminisce upon the greatest thing in life... dance. Enjoy with us; the evolution of dance.

What's In A Name?

Alot goes into a churches name.

Like a person, it can say alot about who they are.

Unfortunately this church, hasn't figured this out yet.

Click Here.

The Real Hip Hop

Jesus hates hip hop thats all about bitches, guns, and money. He does however enjoy true hip hop. Lyrics, beats, and of course.... the robot.

For two awesome examples download these 2 fine albums:

Mars Ill and Othello

Truth of the Day...

Just to take a break from all of the seemingly meaningless crap that we vomit onto this page... Consider this...

Urgent Question

Are robots animistic, polytheistic, or monotehistic? Or are robots gods within themselves?

What Is Fun?

These things are all fun... what else is fun? Post it in the comments suckazzz!

So i drew a Christmassy kind of picture

Fletcher's picture made me want to draw. I can't really say it inspired me too much. The face he drew seemed oddly familiar though..... Anyways I started drawing a skewed house with a chimney ghost, drew another one, zig zagged something that appeared to be a tree, gave it a few other Christmas things and attempted to change my chimney ghost into an angel because throwing a ghost into a Christmas picture is a sin. THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT AND MY GHOST DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HIM ANYWAYS. Either or, the angel definitely ruins the picture. the angel curves make it look junky. i gotta find me a program without life size pixels.

I'd say Merry Christmas but i think I'll wait till the last moment possible.

Official Movie Review: The Break-Up

The Break up is a romantic comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Whatshername, that eventually turns out to be a tragic sack of crushed rectums. What was initially inteded to be a believable script of an "ish happens" real life relationship, ends up a tired script mimicking an even crappier episode of Degrassi High. This movie was so bad that I have been thinking of ways to remove it from human existence for the betterment of society... In the words of Krusty the Klown, "I could've pulled a better movie out of my... Hey hey hey hey Kids!" Please, if you have not yet seen this movie, save yourself from the crapfest and donate it to the awesome old Salvation Army lady at the mall ringing the bell. If you have been the victim of a screening of this film... there will be a support group meeting at my place each Tuesday night at 7:30, just after Thumbsuckers Anonymous.

If I had to summarize this movie's effect on its viewers I would suggest that it is very likely that it would make you fart blood.

Hi Josh

Wow... we haven't done aything in a long long time. All I have to say about that is... "Ive been really busy farting blood so piss off".

Muzak for the Masses: Part 254

Ok Suckers!! So the new Brand New cd is finally out!! This ones called, "God and the Devil are Raging Inside Me". You can downoald it for frizzle (for free) from the link below:

http://www.f-forge.com?d=GniNtboASFmxXZpwhJs9

ENJOY!

GAYEST T.V. COMMERCIAL... Literally..

I had to watch this twice just to make sure that I understood it properly... and yes, it is indeed a commercial for anal sex. Wow! (CREDIT FOR THIS FIND GOES TO ADAM "THE PERV" POWELL , WHO SENT ME LINK).

Do You Remember 1984?

Oh, "The Good Ol' Days"!! The greatest year of my life was 1984. At the ripe age of 2 I was now eating solid foods and my mom was wiping my bum bum after I took solid dumps. Most importantly... This was the infamous year of "The Gitterbug"!! Oh how WHAM! captured our hearts with this pop classic. Let's reminisce on the best song of 1984....

Everybody Needs a Hero.

With respect to the monstrous recent success of the X-Men movies, and the rip off television show "Heroes"... I thought it necessary to let everyone know who my heroes are... Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado...MC Miker G and DJ Sven!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

This might be a little sketchy...

Well I watched this today. I'll admit I laughed even had a good chuckle. It's probably a little overboard for most Christians AND not just the fundamentalist ones to accept as "good clean fun". But it might be worth a viewing. Let me know what you think either way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJgYtXwmnLw&eurl=

George Bush Talks to School Kids

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

'Billy.'

'And what is your question, Billy?

'I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?'

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.

'Steve'

'And what is your question, Steve?'

'I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the f... happened to Billy?'

7 Deadly Sins

Take the quiz and post your results:

Click Here If You Dare

My Procrastination Poem

I'm going to see happy feet.
It's going to be grand.
If I get disapointed,
I'll post it and spam.

But avoid the negative,
It's bitter and cold
For the movies potential,
Is an award winning gold.

Robin Williams is a comedian,
who is usually a pevert,
But he plays a crazy penguin,
and PG movies don't have dirt.

That Frodo hobbits in it,
and he's not off to his doom.
Cause he plays a dancing penguin,
Who is also a cartoon.

So tomorow is friday,
and I'll watch Frodo dance,
It'd be better with a hot date,
but everyone i asked said "no chance"

No thats a lie,
who could say no?
they all said there busy,
they blamed the gosh darn snow.

It doesn't matter that theres no snow.
Atleast they didn't lie.
When I ask them next time though.
They'll tell me they'd rather die.

I'm being depressing,
But its just for the rhyme,
The girls I seriously asked,
Were sad they were missing a good time.

So I have to send out an email,
to friends who will actually show,
and none of those people,
will blame the effing snow.

Happy Feet, Happy Feet,
Gosh I love thee,
My only true wish though,
is that you also love me.

My procrastination poem,
Is now fully complete,
But I can't find my black pen,
**** **** ****, I'm beat.

Did You Know?

Many years ago Christians would get really upset when people would make stuff up about their religion. They called these people heretics. Anyways, sometimes they would take a funnel and shove it in a heretic's mouth. Then they would put a snake in it and burn its tail with fire to make it go down into that poor suckers body. Pretty gross eh?

Cashing In While Pushing Up Daisies

The Forbes annual Top-Earning Dead Celebrities list collectively earned $247 million in the last 12 months. Their estates continue to make money by inking deals involving both their work and the rights to use their name and likenesses on merchandise and marketing campaigns. To land on this year’s list, a star needed to make at least $7 million between October 2005 and October 2006. How crazy is it that dead people are making more money in a year than I will ever make in a lifetime? Something is seriously screwed up here. Anyways, this years list of worm-infested earners breaks down as such (from 1-13):

Kurt Cobain
Elvis Presley
Charles M. Schulz
John Lennon
Albert Einstein
Andy Warhol
Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel)
Ray Charles
Marilyn Monroe
Johnny Cash
J.R.R. Tolkien
George Harrison
Bob Marley

For more info: Click Here

World's Biggest Badass!!

This past week I was reading about St. Jerome (AD. 347-420) a monk who had a lot of issues surrounding sex. Man this guy was obsessed with the ladies. Anyways, he tells a story about a young monk who I believe is a candidate for "World's Biggest Badass!" This monk, "a young martyr whose torture consisted of being intimately fondled by a beautiful harlot and who, when he could no longer control his desires, bit off his tongue and spat it in her face." What? Hold on.... the guy was getting a bj, and then bit his own tongue off and spit it in her face! Holy Crap! That's insane!! And very deserving of the title, "Badass"! In my opinion this guy was even more badass than Aaron Ralston. Remember him? He was the hiker whose arm got stuck under a boulder so he cut it off with a dull pocket knife.

Kleerly An Artist

Kleer Keith is on the kutting edge of experimental music... a star in the making! If you thought Gnarls Barkley was fresh, wait till you hear this. Be sure to check his hot EP,

fresh out of the oven!

Download: http://www.f-forge.com?d=WLniQM0vd41shmGEljJo

Real Time Global Statistics

Since were on the kick of linking websites right now, I thought I'd offer one that I look at once and awhile. http://www.worldometers.info/ is fun because you can just look at numbers and stuff.... so I guess is for numbers people who just like to.. you know.... look at things (like numbers). If you don't like numbers, I'd probably not go to a website that features a lot of them... If youre that person, you are stupid, and should probably go to here instead.

brother for sale! only 10 cents!

Find out how much you'd be worth if you were sold. I'm apparently worth $2,206,040. As you can see, it isn't very accurate since I should be worth wayyyy more then that. Oh well. Check it out.

www.humanforsale.com

How rich are you?

Go to this website.
Fill in the correct categories.
And maybe, just maybe you'll get off your "a" double money sign and do something for someone else... maybe.


http://www.globalrichlist.com/index.php

This is for all you nerds out there and the rest of us who think we're too cool to be called nerds.

Watch this video...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8NE5elL30w4

Jesus Camp Revisited

So... I have nothing to say other than just go to the link.

http://thereallygoodnews.blogspot.com/2006/11/controversial-religious-summer-camp.html

Darkwing Duck

Here are some of my favorite Darkwing Duck entrance lines

I am the surprise in your cereal box
I am the smoke that smokes smoked oysters
I am the grade curves that gives you an "F"
I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you
I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries
I am the hero that every culture in every world needs
I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3 am
I am the batteries that aren't included
I am the widget missing from the easy to assemble swingset
I am the zit that forms when you got a really big date
I am the repairman who tells you your warranty has run out
I am the weirdo that sits next to you on the bus
I am the single career man all women want to date

I am the terror that flaps in the night
I am Darkwing Duck

For more lines go to...
http://www-atdp.berkeley.edu/1623/students/keenahn/DWQUOTE.HTM

Depression... No Laughing Matter.

So many people suffer in silence as they remain prisoners to their own minds and circumstances. The rate at which the diagnosis of depression is rising cannot be ignored or merely explained away but such simple arguments as, "the prevalence of emo within our society". As such I felt it necessary to search the entire web in order to find the cure... that’s right, a healing remedy to once and for all END DEPRESSION!! Doctors have been turning people into "pill poppers" and psychologists have been preying upon those in need for financial gain. I have come to liberate the oppressed with a free cure, to end the exploitation and subjugation of those without happiness.

The Cure is Here

Evilution or Evolution?

If you have grown up in the church, as I have, you are quite aware of the two major positions concerning the origins of human life. Of course I am talking about macro-evolution and creationism. But, an underlying issue that must be examined is, "Are there varying forms of both of these accounts, and if so, what are they?" I have found two such accounts that appear to be credible, and should be considered by any person who would consider themselves to be a thoughtful member of society.

Evolution Option

and

Creation Option

Muzak for the Masses: 4

"This is what you get when you mess with us".

Radiohead = Greatness

Download at:
http://www.f-forge.com/?d=WR5qNHhYcIdGi1uAPyX2

if toys could talk

How many people still play with toys? When was the last time you grabbed that G.I. Joe or Barbie out of that cardboard box in the storage closet and just started playing with them? I haven't done it in forever. Why? Because toys aren't necessary in order for me to make believe anymore. I don't need them. I can write a story, daydream, or have a wacky conversation instead. Why bother with toys. I have no reason to yank out my G.I. Joe (actually mommy never let me have a G.I. Joe.....VIOLENCE IS BAD.....I had Darkwing Duck action figures ha).

But what would happen if toys came to life and could talk?

I don't think any of the toys would act like they're from Toy Story. Some of them might be nice to your face, but I really doubt that because they'd know they're being fake and living a fake life. They'd be like the toys in the movie Small Soldiers. They would act the way they look; the way we assume they would act. Like a G.I Joe would probably always be talking about shooting mother f****** in the head. Imagine an 8 year old playing with that? Kind of funny, but definitely not cool ha. The kid probably wouldn't turn out very good. Personally, If I had an 8 year old kid, I'd rather have him playing with his sisters Barbie then have a G.I. Joe trying to brainwash him into thinking our neighbours are traitors to the flag and that he should make a homemade bomb and "F*** them up."

Barbie probably wouldn't be good for my kid either because assuming Barbies personality matches the way she's advertised (25 year old californian girl who has visited the plastic surgeon on multiple occasions), she'd be a sweetie pie when parents are around and a total skank when they’re not. You’d have to buy a Ken doll to keep her from seducing your 8 year old son. The 8 year old girls who play with Barbie would probably end up being “best friends” with her and become anorexic trying to be just like her and extremely skanky.... and the 8 year old guys who manage to get rid of Ken would learn how to charm girls just a little too well for there tasting. Barbie is a bad choice.. I don’t care what people say. Barbie would not have a PG rating.

We seriously need to find some good natured toys. I mean, what would the players in a table hockey thing say? Nothing can go wrong with them right? I mean, the players on both teams would be super encouraging at the beginning of the game, psych up even more when they start losing by a bit, and get super pissed at you when you start losing and start screaming at each other. You’d be too busy laughing too care that your losing. It’s brilliant. Teach your kids there’s more to life then winning! Pissing people off is just as fun! Ha….maybe table hockey would be sort of bad too.

The one toy you can always count on for being good natured came right out of the ground, that’s right folks…..THE CABBAGE PATCH KIDS. I don’t know how much fun they’d be …whining all the time and wetting their cabbage, but not a bad word would come out of their mouth…and if one ever does….its cause you taught them it. So if toys ever come to life and start talking, Burn the Barbies and G.I Joe’s at the stake, and buy a cabbage patch kid. I shotgun the African American Fire Man. I’m not being racist, check the link...and pick your own cabbage head.

http://www.epinions.com/pr-Toys-Toys_R_Us_Cabbage_Patch_Kids_Fire_Man_African_American

Let’s just all be glad toys don’t talk.

We're so hot we could start a small fire in your Mama's panties!

Welcome to the new Minutes for Memories.

"No", the boring post's haven't gotten any better!

"No", we're not offering anything intelligent for you to read!

"No", we still don't care about what you think!

But...

We do have a new layout.

P.S. Welome DSW to the team of idiots!

CONSUME ( RED ) or CONSUMERED?

Please bear with me as I freak out for a few paragraphs.

I don't know how much you've heard of Project Red, but here is a portion of its manifesto: Project Red is not a charity, it is simply a business model. You buy Project Red stuff. (Motorola, AmEx, Gap, Armani, Converse, Apple) Project Red gets the money. It then buys the pills and distributes them. Sick people in Africa take the pills, stay alive. And continue to take care of their families and contribute socially and economically in their communities.

Sounds great eh? People with HIV in Africa getting badly needed medicine in order to beat their illness, and all because we purchased a “RED” item. Wow! Now you can buy a cell phone and do something great for someone else in need! (Please note the sarcasm). Ever since Bono showed up on Oprah to advertise for his new campaign “Project Red”, my guts have been reeling in disdain for one of my favourite rockers and philanthropists. After viewing the show I headed out to my local GAP to check out the merchandise. All of the merchandise was over-priced and only a portion of all products sold go towards the RED campaign. In other words, they jacked their prices in order to not incur any financial loss. B.S.

Also, the campaign directly ignores the real problem which is our greed, narcissism, and over-consumption. It's a shame that people believe that they are what they buy. I am not necessarily rich because I purchase an Armani t-shirt, and I am not necessarily caring because I purchased a t-shirt where some proceeds go to “a cause”.

Four years ago I decided to cancel my cell phone and become a World Vision sponsor because I couldn't justify my spending. Now people don't have to justify it. They can get a RED Motorola phone and feel good about their purchase.

My point is that people can do more than the status quo. Instead of purchasing a $40 RED t-shirt at GAP (where a couple dollars go to charity), why can't we just expect people to give an entire $40 to charity? I expect more from our world and I believe (perhaps conveniently) that God expects more from our world. Shame on you Bono, I know you know better. Don't think that your so intelligent because you found a way to “trick” our consumer society into being charitable. All you've really done is reinforce their sickness of consumerism.

For more info about this farce of a “good cause” visit either of these websites:

http://www.joinred.com/home.asp

http://joinred.blogspot.com/

AD250 or AD2005?

"There is no honesty in business,

and no justice in the law.

Art and morals are both declining.

Cruelty and lust are regarded as entertaining.

The smell of death is everywhere, and yet,

no one stops to remember the warning of his own morality.

- Cyprian of Carthage AD250.

Comforted to see that nothing has changed.

the christianity i hate

This is why Christianity has more in common with Adolph Hitler then it ever will Jesus.

Watch this trailer and feel free to throw something at the monitor or at least the local compatible charismatic church.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/magnolia/jesuscamp/

Muzak for the Masses: Part 3

Toronto based band Pilot Speed (formerly known as Pilate) have generated a classic gem with their sophmore release "Sell Control for Life's Speed". The sound and style of their music is commonly linked to Radiohead, though there are other notable influences inherent in the songs. In Your Hideout, Knife Grey Sea, and Barely Listening, characterize the overall material of the band quite well. Have a listen and enjoy.

Download the album here: (link will be posted later due to technichal difficulties)

issues in your representation

Someone left the above image as a comment a few blogs back. Whoever was kind enough to bother leaving this lovely image as a comment, I appreciate it even though it is quite meaningless. The next time you decide to leave an image or comment such as the one i posted above, please refrain from using terms such as "no one" or "everybody" which implies that you represent the entire population - which of course you do not. If you wish for your comment to be taken seriously you must clearly state who you are OR the group your representing. Feel free to leave your home address as well and we will be SURE to get back to you. :-) Thank-You.

Are You A Real Man?

What is a real man? Is manhood determined by biological aspects such as genitalia or by gender roles which are determined by socio-cultural influences? Have you ever wondered if you were a metrosexual? Are you a man who wears pink? Do you go with your wife to get your eyebrows waxed? For one perspective on this pertinent issue visit Maddox's website for a classical definition of manhood. You can read his article here: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=real_men

Inspire

Rise and demand; you are a burning flame.

You are sure to conquer there where the final horizon

Becomes a drop of blood, a drop of life,

Where you will carry the universe on your shoulders,

Where the universe will bear your hope.

if water is jesus...whats the devil?

In a recent post entitled "kasper and josh's conversation at the gym" we came to the conclusion that water is liquid Jesus. One very wise and respectful person asked soon after "if water is Jesus, what is the devil?". Well let me answer that.

The devil, is nothing more then a Ford Focus. It's cheap and ugly and just downright terrible. However, people still buy Ford Focuses (why?!) just like they still buy into the devil. So, generally speaking, the devil is no more then random crap.

Always remember, you can't kill water by running it over with a Ford Focus, but you can kill a Ford Focus by fueling it with water - or just plain drowning it.

And if Jesus is feeling creative..... water pours down on a nearby hill causing a mudslide to occur and it burrys any random crap (*cough Ford Focus cough*) in its path.

Either or.....Good game Ford Focus.

Muzak for the Masses: Part 2

Hey everybody!! It's new music time again!! This week we're putting the spotlight on a local band (Toronto) called Turn Off The Stars. They have a really complete sound that is similar to Coldplay. So if you're sick of the old Coldplay stuff, or you can't wait for a new album, then this is for you. P.S. If you don't know who Coldplay is.... then you're likely one of those people who've stuck their heads in a microwave to, "see how it feels".

You can download here: http://www.f-forge.com/?d=MQmPBrfapcJXLAbioGT2

OR

Visit the website here: www.turnoffthestars.com

kasper and josh's conversation at the gym

Kasper : here have some water

Josh : nah man

Kasper : scared your going to get my STDs?

Josh : yup, I can see it now, 'Mom I got Herpes from Kaspers water bottle.' But seriously, I have a throbbing headache, so no water.

Kasper : water is liquid Jesus. It heals all

Josh : what????

(random guy walks into changeroom)

Kasper : the earth is made of 75% water. People are made of 75% water. Jesus was a person....so water is 75% Jesus.

Josh : wow i never thought of it like that.

(5 seconds later)

Josh : WAIT, that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Dude, theres some sort of fallacy in there.

Kasper : it makes total sense.

Random Guy : I have no idea what you guys are talking about. All I hear is Jesus and a lot of water.

Kasper : don't bother bro. He doesn't even get it (looks at me)

Josh : you aren't making any sense. If Jesus is 75% water, that doesn't mean water is 75% Jesus.

Kasper : your right, that makes water 100% Jesus.

Josh : .........................

Kasper : Besides, the point is that water heals all just like Jesus.

Josh : whatever ha. that random guy thinks were crazy yo.

Kasper : oh well.

Josh : his loss.

a story of a boy

There was this boy named Jordan. Jordan was a nice boy, the kind of boy a young girl wants to take home and show her mother THE FIRST DAY they meet. One day Jordan got a job and found himself working with this boy named Rodney. Rodney was a not-so-nice boy. He was the kind of boy a young girl sneeks out of the house to meet and gets screwed up (in the head ha) by. Jordan and Rodney had nothing in common, but since they were the only employees at Valumart (forgot to mention that bit) they became very close acquaintances. They didn't hit it off at first, but ended up respecting one another and taking on a few characteristics of each other. 6 months passed and Jordan and Rodney changed. Rodney, was no longer a not-so-nice boy. He actually became quite the charmer. Girls would no longer sneak out of the house only to get screwed up by Rodney, but they would walk through the front door and only get tainted in the head minorly. The other boy, Jordan, continued being the nice boy he was, but if compared to the person he once was, one would notice a drop of rebel in him. He was no longer the boy girls wanted to show their mother the FIRST DAY, but became the boy they'd show the SECOND DAY. Also, if the girl was unable to come out he would encourage them to sneek out the back window, a trick he learned from Rodney. After one year, Jordan and Rodney had become very good friends, although there was a little bit of distaste when Rodney got a 50 cent raise and Jordan didn't. They continued working there for many years to come. They both became seniour managers and got fat.

the moral of the story is dont work at valumart because your life goes nowhere.

the end.

platypus, puddles, and grumps

My platypus is better then yours.
My platypus is the strongest of all.
So take your platapus elsewhere,
Or my platypus will eat your platypus

A friend told me to write about platapuses. The only platupus I know is the animal platypus. I had to check how to spell it and it's definetley not platapus or platupus. I fixed my spelling in the pointless section.

The spelling of a word is really quite irrelevent as long as people can determine what you mean to say. Though technically it weakens the strength of your argument/what you want to say if your grammar and spelling are terrible and people noticably see it and think your stupid - hence the ruining. None of this matters though because people think I'm stupid already since I'm writing about platypuses. I don't mind; life goes on. That's deep, like a puddle.

Puddles are created when there is a hole or crevise in the ground and it fills with water. The status of puddles is really quite unique because although people find much fun and love in puddles there is also a lot of hate for them. A few different ways you can find fun and love in puddles are jumping in them (fun), spraying people as you drive (fun), and putting your coat down for some nice girl and hitting it off (love).

Some people hate puddles. Many of these people have generic reasons such as "I'm dressed nice" or "Being wet is uncomfortable", but many people are just plain stupid and think its immature to use puddles for there amusement. These people I like to call grumps.

The dictionary defines grumps as "a cranky complaining person." Being a grump is a sin. The world used to be full of grumps. Then God flooded the earth and wiped all of them out. He'd do it again, but he promised never to do it again. I'm sure he had good reason for the promise, but I sure wouldn't have minded if he hadn't promised and he decided to wipe all grumps off the earth again......tomorow would be a great day

Confessions of a Saint

In this Beginning, O God, You have made heaven and earth.

In Your Word,

In Your Son,

In Your Power,

In Your Wisdom,

In Your Truth.

Wondrously You spoke and wondrously made.

Who shall comprehend? Who declare it?

What is it that gleams through me?

What strikes my heart without hurt?

What makes me shudder and glow, impassioned?

This force is so unlike me, so I shudder.

But this force is what I was made to be like, so I ignite.

Muzak For The Masses

Two new bands that I found this morning while I should have been studying for midterms are Aereogramme (Post-Rock, pictured on the left) and Page France (Indie, Folk, pictured above). Both bands have really different styles but do have something to offer thats much better than Celine Dion (who sucks). Oh, and if you like the music please support the artist. Don't be a freeloader douchebag.




Visit their MySpace pages to listen to some audio:

Aereogramme: http://www.myspace.com/aereogrammeofficial

Page France: http://www.myspace.com/pagefrance


Or even download a cd:
Aereogramme: http://www.f-forge.com?d=D35HuJLnA9xia1NFVs4o
Page France : http://rapidshare.de/files/29813900/page_france_-_pear.zip
http://rapidshare.de/files/30001992/page_france_-_sister.zip

The Greatest Inventions Ever Created - Part 1

One of the greatest inventions ever created was soap.

Soap is suspected to be invented in 2800 B.C. by the Ancient Babylons. They enjoyed their soap in many ways. They would wash themselves, was their sheep, and their clothes with the soap they created. Their soap was nothing like the soap we have today which is beautifully scented, moisturizing, colourful, and just plain dandy grand. I personally believe the Ancient Babylon soap really sucked. I believe this because later on in time people stopped using it. The early greeks (11th-14th century B.C.) didn't use soap. Now, from first impression thats really really gross, BUT you have to remember that the Greeks were ridiculously smart. The greeks invented democracy, university, and play-doh. That being said, if they stopped using soap there had to be a really good reason; the reason being bad soap (duh). Instead of soap, they used clay, sand, and ashes, and then annointed themselves with oil, and scraped it off with this thing called a strigil. Eventually they started using soap again, so some smart greek must have invented a better kind. It definetely wasn't Socrates.

But why is soap one of the greatest inventions? Without soap, we would be dirty stinky people. We would all have lice, we would all be greasy and have bad skin complexions. Also we wouldn't live as long. Cleanliness increases ones life span. All the smart people who invented wonderful things such as the lightbulb wouldn't have lived long enough to invent what they invented. That is why soap is one of the greatest invention ever.

Mind you, soap in large amounts is bad. Over the last 100 years we have increased our cleanliness by 12 fold and because of this the amount of people with allergies has increased drastically. 100 years ago, allergies virtually did not exist. None of this really matters to me though because I do not have allergies. Long live soap.