Official Movie Review: 300

So its like 1:30 am and I just finished watching 300 (online of course). This is gonna be brief because I'm so tired so bare with me. I'm trying not to be irrational because my imput is still so fresh having just finished the flick, so I will review with restraint in mind.

With that said, this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Absolute crap from beginning to end. The movie literally has no value. Plot: crap. Narration: crap. Character development: crap. Costumes: HA! Crap (they're practically naked the whole movie). Overall impression: absolute crap.

I never read reviews before I watch any of these movies, but I wasn't surprised when I just took a jump over to Rotten Tomatoes and discovered how many other people thought this movie sucked.

One critic wrote: "The stylized action, set to crunching guitar riffs, feels suffocating in its artificiality. The dialogue comes cribbed from T-shirt slogans (real men wear crimson!) and Bruce Springsteen songs (no retreat, no surrender!). Women exist either to writhe around naked (frat boys confused by the way Snyder's camera ogles the men can take solace in Xerxes' frenzied lesbians) or act tough like a Spartan man, minus the sweat.

Please, as a society that values good entertainment to forget the reality of our meaningless materialistic North American live's... can we forget that this movie ever existed and banish it to the trash bin of history along with The Four Feathers, Barber Shop, and Monster's Ball.

So a while a go there was a movie released entitled Beowulf and Grendel. Not a very good movie from what I've heard, however there is an alternative version. I must say I am impressed; and to think that they didn't have to hire any actors at all. Intrigued? Click here to watch all 3 parts of the movie.

Clooney Wouldn't Mind If He Died.

George Clooney wouldn't mind if he died tomorrow, because he is content with everything he has achieved in his life.

In a recent interview Clooney said that he is happy with his life and feels he has achieved a lot for a 45-year-old. Clooney was stated saying, "If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I've had a pretty good run."

With all that said, I'm pretty sure that nobody else would care if he died tomorrow either.

Thanks for nothing George. You were the worst Batman ever!

Loser.

Welcome to the Dark Side

There is this series on youtube. It's about Chad Vader, he's Darth Vaders cousin. He's the day shift manager at a local supermarket. Watch the plot unfold in the six episodes posted.

Risky

So, there is a video that we four losers have all seen.
AND it has a swear in it.
So we weren't going to post it.
But we did anyway.
We just put a Rated R banner up to make ourselves feel better.
Here it is.
We hope you enjoy.

Click here

Tough Guys

Since the new Blogger sign in uses my email as the login name I can no longer post videos via youtube.com. Youtube's Blogger/Sign in cannot fit my entire email address and therefore will not upload videos to our humble site. So with all frustration and many an f-word here is the link to the video you should watch.

Click here

This one is for the world's four toughest men.

DSW

Official Movie Review: An Inconvenient Truth

So it's really nice that we don't get winter anymore until January (remember when you were a kid and it came way earlier... like freezing your butt off in your power rangers costume on Halloween night)... but it's not really nice that we're clearly destroying our world and ourselves (this documentary doesn't even bother to go into the health effects upon humanity concerning air pollution... a possible sequel perhaps).

Basically after this movie you'll feel really bad and take public transit a lot more. You'll also want to plant trees.

In conclusion, if we do nothing to stop global warming... 50 years from now you'll wish that you lived on higher ground- cuz your crib gonna be swizzimmin' unda wada yo!!!

1. Go watch this movie.
2. Make this a political issue by raising awareness.
3. Ignore dumb people who ignore the fact of global warming (go read some of the youtube comments people make about this trailer... its unreal how dumb humanity can be).

Official Movie Review: The Pursuit of Happyness

This movie surprised me a lot and I'm actually a little upset that I didn't see it in the theatre (I watched it for free online). Not only was the movie actually worth the $10.95 for the bigscreen, it would have done all of the stunts and action scenes a lot more justice.

The movie starts off with a man and his son who are really poor. The dad (The Fresh Prince) needs to find a way to make money so that he and his son don't become homeless. Before you know it these alien robots (kind of like Transformers) swoop onto Earth from outer space. The dad quickly then becomes the hero as he finds a way to kill the robot aliens with Rubik's Cubes. The dad sells this inside information to the government and he and his son soon become millionaires.

Sadly, they soon piss away all of their fortune on malt liquor and chronic. They are then forced to sell their Impala (which is sittin on 20's) to avoid being homeless again.

Overall, the acting was really good and the plot was believable. I give The Pursuit of Happyness 3.5 out of 5 Optimus Primes!

i heart movies.

Here's a site for anyone who loves movies, tv shows, and even music vids. Without downloading and completely 100% free of charge, you can watch any movie you'd like. It's pretty frigging amazing. Thanks to Allison Smith and Kevin Huynh for helping me discover this wonderful place. I'm off to watch the Prestige. A little butterfly told me it was good.

I almost forgot to stick the link to the site in here. Click here for the site.

Official Movie Review: A Night at the Museum

Maybe it was because I had absolutely no expectations when going to this movie, but I actually liked it. Wierd. The first 3 scenes of the movie sucked and before I knew it I was preparing myself for a typical 100 minutes of hell stuck in a movie theatre. Yet the movie turned around quite quickly and I soon found myself entertained by the simple script and predictable plot. It's hard to identify why, when I sit and think about it, but I was entertained and I'd actually spend the time ripping and burning the DVD to watch again someday. I give this movie 3.5 out of 5 Ghengis Khan's.

Things You Learn from the Movies:

Like a good parent, movies teach us a lot of things about life too... Here are a few of those valuable life lessons that the big screen has been so gracious to pass on to us.

• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
• An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
• Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds. Unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
• Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
• Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
• Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one laying around the next time you need one.
• Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
• If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -- even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
• If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
• If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade at any time of the year.If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath. Even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

Movie Review : Happy Feet

Okay, straightup, IT IS A GOOD MOVIE BUT IT HAS THE WORST ENDING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. The End.

Now your probably asking, how can it be a good movie if it has such a terrible ending? Well, the movie is just so fantabulous that I can't criticize anything but the ending (and a little bit of the plot). The characters are all up to snuff with Robin Williams running the show, the music is great (it as to be the movie is all about singing, dancing, and missing fish), but the plot could use some work. The plot seems really good at the beginning of the movie. Actually, it seemed absolutely perfect, BUT as the movie unfolds you realize the plot is destined to lead to a crappy ending and the plot isn't really good to begin with.

If your having second thoughts, do not. Because, if you liked Finding Nemo you will like this movie. It's the same idea.

A random cartoon that doesn't belong goes off looking for something they need with a comic relief cartoon alongside them. They meet other cartoons who are much different then they are, but make the movie interesting. Within there small group of searchers there is also a problem. They end up solving the minor problem and finding what they want. The End.

Now let me apply what i just said to Finding Nemo and Happy Feet.

Marlin, a clown fish, looses his son Nemo and goes off to find him with the help of another fish named Dory. They meet other fishes and sea animals such as sharks, turtles, and jellyfish. The problem within there group is Dory is a moron and can't remember shizit. Dory ends up remembering stuff and they find Nemo. The End.

Mumble (aka Happy Feet), a penguin, goes off and searches for fish // the reason the fish are disappearing with the help of Ramon and other mini penguins. They meet other penguins, whales, and giant elephant fish. The problem within there group is Mumble can only dance and can't sing and apparently every other penguin can sing, not to mention they hate dancing. Mumble doesn't learn to sing, but solves his problem by convincing every other penguin to love dancing instead, and they solve the fish issue. The End.

As you can see both movies are fairly similiar. They could have thrown Nemo into the Happy Feet movie for kicks. Mumble could have eaten him or something. Anyways, Happy Feet is pretty much a Finding Nemo movie with an ending that will make you wonder why they made the movie in the first place. The End.

Official Movie Review: The Break-Up

The Break up is a romantic comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Whatshername, that eventually turns out to be a tragic sack of crushed rectums. What was initially inteded to be a believable script of an "ish happens" real life relationship, ends up a tired script mimicking an even crappier episode of Degrassi High. This movie was so bad that I have been thinking of ways to remove it from human existence for the betterment of society... In the words of Krusty the Klown, "I could've pulled a better movie out of my... Hey hey hey hey Kids!" Please, if you have not yet seen this movie, save yourself from the crapfest and donate it to the awesome old Salvation Army lady at the mall ringing the bell. If you have been the victim of a screening of this film... there will be a support group meeting at my place each Tuesday night at 7:30, just after Thumbsuckers Anonymous.

If I had to summarize this movie's effect on its viewers I would suggest that it is very likely that it would make you fart blood.

My Procrastination Poem

I'm going to see happy feet.
It's going to be grand.
If I get disapointed,
I'll post it and spam.

But avoid the negative,
It's bitter and cold
For the movies potential,
Is an award winning gold.

Robin Williams is a comedian,
who is usually a pevert,
But he plays a crazy penguin,
and PG movies don't have dirt.

That Frodo hobbits in it,
and he's not off to his doom.
Cause he plays a dancing penguin,
Who is also a cartoon.

So tomorow is friday,
and I'll watch Frodo dance,
It'd be better with a hot date,
but everyone i asked said "no chance"

No thats a lie,
who could say no?
they all said there busy,
they blamed the gosh darn snow.

It doesn't matter that theres no snow.
Atleast they didn't lie.
When I ask them next time though.
They'll tell me they'd rather die.

I'm being depressing,
But its just for the rhyme,
The girls I seriously asked,
Were sad they were missing a good time.

So I have to send out an email,
to friends who will actually show,
and none of those people,
will blame the effing snow.

Happy Feet, Happy Feet,
Gosh I love thee,
My only true wish though,
is that you also love me.

My procrastination poem,
Is now fully complete,
But I can't find my black pen,
**** **** ****, I'm beat.