Things You Learn from the Movies:

Like a good parent, movies teach us a lot of things about life too... Here are a few of those valuable life lessons that the big screen has been so gracious to pass on to us.

• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
• An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
• Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds. Unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
• Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
• Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
• Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one laying around the next time you need one.
• Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
• If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -- even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
• If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
• If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade at any time of the year.If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath. Even if it's the middle of the afternoon.